I was wondering if after my 12 day absence, you’d still like to read.
To go over, some of the things
I am dealing with and the prayers I so need.
My rendition is a far cry from the talent that is Adele. 12 days ago I posted on here. The almost two weeks in between have been weird. I am in such a strange place right now in terms of waiting. I don’t know the last time I was in such a season of waiting as this.
Last Thursday, I was feeling grumpy, the weather was annoying me because my sinuses cannot keep up with the 30 degree variations on any given day, the children I nanny were slow to cooperate leaving the house, and I just felt like it was one of “those days”. I’m usually SO GOOD about changing my attitude and turning things around and making rainbows and butterflies out of gloomy skies and womp.
But on that Thursday, I got in the car and as I pushed the button to start my engine, my radio was left on 94.1 and was very loud. That is one of many, many Christian stations up here in Nashville. I’m almost certain there are as many Christian stations as there are Country and coming from Miami (where there is basically one of each) this is different.
I love it.
Nothing puts my attitude in check quicker than praise and worship music while driving. Not on that Thursday though. That Thursday, a killer version of the song Everlasting God was blaring through my ratty, blown, stock front speakers and it annoyed me. I literally shouted “Oh! The IRONY!” as I quickly changed the station.
The songs lyrics are “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord…” and I could not get past how opposite I felt in that moment. As you may or may not know, I am (once again) searching for a new job due to so many things going on in our simple little lives. I am waiting. I am waiting for someone to say “Jenna, you are a perfect fit and we are eager to begin working with you.”
I am waiting and I feel anything but strong. (Hence the photo of sleepy me sleeping on my sleepy puppy, a regular occurrence at our place)
Or at least, that was true last Thursday.
In that moment, I realized a) how silly it was to get mad at a song and b) that the reason I have felt weak during this period of waiting is not because waiting is making me weak. It’s the not waiting upon the Lord that is wearing me down. I believe the word of the Lord is true and in believing so, I know he already knows what’s next. He knows who will say yes to me. He knows what Brian and I need. He knows what my heart wants.
Just switching my attitude from sarcastically laughing at the irony of the thought of strength “rising” as I wait, to realizing why I don’t feel strength during this time has helped me recenter my focus on things beyond myself. I realized that if I wait and am impatient, I’m going to feel run down, exhausted, and just flat out done with it all. If I hold on to the promises that God has given me, I can rest assured and trust that my period of waiting will be well worth it and will result in so much more than I want and need.
It might take another attitude check or adjustment when the time comes if it’s not exactly what I have in mind. But I am confident that my God will provide.
This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about the promises God makes and keeps for us. If you have ears to spare, I encourage you to put it on (by clicking on the underlined words above) while you are doing the dishes or knitting a hat or whatever it is you were/are doing before/after you stumble/stumbled upon my page. It is such a powerful and reassuring sermon. Literally mind blowing. The love that God has for us, even when we are impatient and worn down, is nothing short of insane.
I realize this was all over the place but I’m not even lying when I tell you that I just word vomittted all over this page to get some of these thoughts out there. Have a swell weekend and if you are also in a difficult period of waiting, for what feels like forever, you are not alone!
Sorry not sorry if you have Everlasting God stuck in your head for days now ha